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Cadillac STS-V by Joe

November 7th, 2006 by currentissue


GM is going head-on with the big boys to grasp a hold on the high-end luxury sport sedan market. For years this market has been dominated by the infamous M name plate. BMW has ran away with this market starting with the M3 and working its way up the food chain to the two big boys, the M5 and M6.

GM’s premier brand, Cadillac, is trying to even the playing field. Cadillac started this uphill battle with the launch of the CTS-V. The CTS-V was aimed directly at the M3. It is based off of its entry level car the CTS ( a car which sits dear and near to me) just as the M3 is based off the 3 series. The snow ball success of the CTS-V on the streets and on the track inspired Cadillac to carry on the V name plate to more of its product line.Cadillac then moved on to introduce the STS-V. The STS-V outdoes every aspect of the STS that it is based off of. It better, it adds on another $40k to the price tag. Let’s start under the hood shall we?

The STS-V packs one hell of a punch with its 4.4L supercharged, inter-cooled, dual overhead cam, variable valve time V8 North Star, delivering 469 hp and 439 pounds of torque. The engine’s power is highlighted by its ability to deliver about 90 percent of its peak torque between 2200 and 6000 rpm. This means don’t stomp on the pedal with grandma in the whip, because this lethal weapon is sure to break necks. The engine will rocket the STS-V from 0 to 60 in under 5 seconds.

Cadillac mates all this power through the Hydra-Matic 6L80 six-speed automatic transmission. The 6L80 is the first use of GM’s new six-speed automatic. The 6L80 is one of the most technologically advanced automatic transmissions on the market, using clutch-to-clutch operation and an advanced integrated 32-bit transmission controller.

As you would expect from any high end performance car, this car was tested and tuned on the famous Nurburgring ring in Germany. The testing has lead to the production model sporting increased brake rotor diameters, larger pad areas, larger calipers, increased stiffness stabilizer bars, stiffer suspension springs, a faster steering ratio; allowing to take this car to the road course to whoop some ass, then to the club to get some ass.

I can hear all the haters already, “Sure it’s got a big old supercharged V8, domestic cars are good at that, but does the interior feel like a bathroom stall in a Turnpike rest stop?” The answer is not at all. GM was taking notes while snooping around the M’s and AMG’s on the dealer lots. GM went back to their roots as carriage builders, with this car. The leather interior is all stitched by hand and installed by hand. It comes with all the goodies you would expect; heated and cooled seats, 5.1 BOSE surround sound, Navigation, key-less push start, wood grain and so on. I was very impressed when I sat in one at my local dealership. It was very plush and had a good fit and feel.

It won’t be an easy task to take on the big boys as Cadillac is aiming to do, but they have shown themselves to be a contender with the CTS-V. I feel that the STS-V will do the same, even though European car mags feel otherwise. Anyway, if you’re in the market for a high end luxury sports sedan, at least give the STS-V a test drive, you might find your self wondering “Is this really American?” as you sign the paperwork.

Stay Tuned

How to Get out of Tickets by Joe

October 21st, 2006 by currentissue

Ok so if you know me, you probably know that I have spent nearly the same amount of time that people spend driving, in Court, for tickets. I’m going to spread the knowledge I’ve gained through my troubles so you don’t have to learn the hard way, like I did. The best way to get out of a ticket is not to get one, pretty simple right? Wrong!

The laws of the jungle apply: you want to blend in and not stand out. The type of car you drive definitely plays a huge role in this cat and mouse game. A sports car will grab more attention then a 4-door grocery-getter will. Just as important as the type of car is the color. The brighter your car is the more it stands out, thus attracting more attention. This doesn’t mean if you own a Black car you have a greater right to put the pedal to the metal, it just means when you’re driving like an ass hole you wont stick out as much.

The more modifications you have done to your car the more unwanted attention you’ll receive. This includes neon lights, loud bass, tinted windows, and the ever-so-popular ricer fart can. These things may make you look cool at your local 7-11 but Officer Oinker doesn’t care for them.

The appearance of your car says a lot about the person behind the wheel, according to the Police. I’m not talking about nice 20 inch rims on a Cadillac, I’m talking about leaving 4-week-old food in the back seat. I’m pointing to the bird shit patterned out on your hood next to the rusty dents from years earlier. The condition of your car in conjunction with how you act is how the cop will perceive you. A great example of this is occurred while I was borrowing my friend’s truck to go pick up some kegs. I got nabbed for driving straight in a left-hand-turn only lane. So the cop walks up, and sees that I have 4 kegs in the truck, so that’s one conclusion. My friend’s back seat is a mess, so that’s the second conclusion and the icing on the cake was when I opened the glove box to look for his insurance / registration and 20 parking tickets fall out. Needless to say I got the ticket. No amount of sweet talking was getting me out of that one, but you get the point.

Now you know some things to avoid, here are some things to look out for. The one thing that jakes swear by is that they don’t have a quota system. Wrong! They might not call it a quota but it exists. The beginning and ending of the month apply still, but keep in mind some police departments have switched this up and made it mid month just to fuck with us.

Another thing to look out for is hidden spots. Cops are sneaky. They love to find a shady spot and camp out waiting for some poor schmuck to come along. Here’s where they love to hang out.

1) Over a crest of hill
2) Around a turn in the road
3) U-Turns on highways
4) Behind Bill Boards
5) Behind Sound Barriers
6) Behind Bushes and other trees
7) Behind Over Passes

Keep an eye for speed traps, and make mental notes of locations on the highways you drive often. I always act like these known locations have a cop in them, I make sure I’m doing the speed limit way before i make visual contact.

If and when you get nabbed another thing to look out for is the rank and type of the officer. Nothing pisses a cop off more then when you call them the wrong rank.

1) If the Oinker’s uniform has three or more stripes, chances are they are a Seargent.
2) If the Pig’s uniform has one or two stripes it usually indicates a Corporal.
3) An Oinker with no stripes but in a State Police car is a Trooper.
4) If the cop has no stripes and a County car he is a Deputy.
5) If you aren’t sure, stick with “Sir.” Don’t call them an Officer. I had a Seargent once grill me on this

Just a few more odds and ends. Always have your license, insurance and registration out on your lap, window down and your hands on the steering wheel. This will make the cop feel at ease. The cop will be able to see you as he is walking up and see your hands, this is very important. Drive safely.

Stay Tuned

BMW M5 vs Mercedes E55 by Skyler Newlands

August 1st, 2006 by currentissue

Okay kids, imagination time!!! Let’s say you’re a legendary, blood thirsty warrior about to go into battle. You’re fucking psyched! You’re gonna go kick some ass! Where’s your damn weapon, right? Hold up there killer…..

Say you have two weapons to choose from, and both can be almost equally effective in the right hands. Let’s say for the sake of argument you can choose between a huge, mean, spikey warhammer or a shiny, delicate katana, basically a four foot long razor blade. What’s more your style? Would you want to smash your opponents into meaty pulp-wafers or cut them into neat pieces? Are you into the more animalistic experience of swinging blindly at anything that moves or would you be more interested in making art of the carnage? Ahhh decisions decisions.

Now fast forward 600 years to the blood-soaked streets of New Jersey and we face a similar question in choosing between the brutal torque monster that is the Mercedes E55 or BMW’s F1 car with 4 doors, the M5.

I’ve had the priveledge of driving both cars, and they both deliver completely different driving experiences. Mash the throttle in the E55 and all hell breaks loose, the car lunges forward as if Satan himself was giving you a push start and 500 plus pounds of torque rip you forward at only 2000 rpm, practically idle speed. But just like swinging that huge mean warhammer, you’d better hope you don’t have to make any corrections mid-surge, because she doesn’t exactly handle, at all.

The M5 is a completely different experience. Drunk off horsepower and revs, the M car barely has any torque to speak of, a paltry 384 pounds at 6,000rpm. Now you could be saying, “Skyler, you’re a deranged bastard, 384 is plenty”, and if I wasn’t so high I might agree with you. But I am and when we’re talking about supercars here, so 384 is a fucking sin.

The M5’s specs are something you might see in Juan Pablo Montoya’s old ride, a 5.0 liter V10 with 10 individual throttle butterflies (!!!!!), an 8,400rpm redline and a completely mental 7 speed SMG gearbox. No carmaker has ever collected the sheer audacity required to put out a car with such a nutty spec list, let alone having the cojones to slap such a drivetrain in a sedan. Like the aforementioned katana, the M5 is an angry surgeon’s tool. It will do absolutely anything you tell it to do, and can be incredibly powerful in the right hands, but only in the right hands. If you’re not a proper driver but you have the means, just grab yourself any Merc AMG and mash the throttle every time you have something to prove. BMW boasts that their cars are the ultimate driving machines, and in the case of the M5, they’re actually right.

Step into the M5 and you’re surrounded by plush leather, a million buttons and swtiches, a fancy “start” button and a heads up display on the windshield that will tell you anything from current speed and RPM to what’s on the radio. The steering wheel must have been designed by gods, because its perfect, and the driver’s seat is so adjustable that the top half of the seatback bends independently of the bottom half.

Active side bolsters actually move to grip you in sharp corners where G forces might force you to slide sideways in your seat, a wild innovation that I’ve never seen before and am now addicted to. It evokes giggles from everyone experiencing it for the first time. There are driver adjustable settings for the firmness of the suspension, the activity of the Electronic M Differential, the power output of the car, the traction control, you get the point. Thing is, unless you switch these settings to EXACTLY your style of driving, you’ll never get your money’s worth. This car DEMANDS that you take control and tell it exactly what to do every second, especially in the case of the transmission.

The auto mode just plain sucks, seven gears is just too much to handle for the space-age onboard computer, and the gearshifts are awkward, often, and clunky. However, in manual mode at its snappiest setting, the car can be smoother than any six-speed. Just like an old Japanese katana, unless you’ve got the skills to pay the bills, you probably don’t belong in an M5, just cop yourself a much simpler, much more torquey, and significantly more brainless Merc AMG.

In summary, if you’re a modern-day road warrior looking to drop a metric ton of cash on one of these insane weapons of war, ask yourself; do you have the skills to handle the M5? or will you just bite the bullet and swing away with the awesome power of the Merc E55? The choice is ultimately yours, but I’d probably rather have some skills in my kills.

Stay Tuned

Corvette Z06 by Joe Menio

August 1st, 2006 by currentissue

How does one make a great sports car even greater? Simple, give it more HP, more torque, kit it out and give it a scary name with a big price tag. This is the approach Chevy has taken with the Corvette Z06. The Corvette Z06 “Blue devil” will take the classic American ZO6 and turn it into a super car worthy enough to compete with the European big boys.

Not much is known about this devilish vehicle but the flies on the wall at GM are buzzing. The engine is likely to be a supercharged version of the Z06’s 7.0-liter V8, producing upward of 600 hp, about 100+hp more then the Z06 with gobs more torque. Eyewitnesses who saw this car ripping up the Nurbürgring said the car indeed sounded supercharged, confirming the speculations. The car will use lightweight carbon fiber body parts to further reduce the weight of the Z06 to about 2900 pounds about 300 pounds lighter then the Z06.

All this fun and excitement is not going to come cheap. Moles at GM have said the car will be in the 100,000 dollar range. Vice chairman Bob Lutz will not confirm this car exists, but he is not saying it doesn’t. Lutz has been quoted saying “My guess is we are going to find a way to do something beyond the Z06, that would be at a much higher price point, and which would compete with some of the leading high-performance cars of the world.” Blue devil is a real car the evidence is in the spies shots, one can only hope and pray that Chevy has the balls to bring this one to production.

Stay Tuned

Domestic vs Import by Skyler Newlands and Joe Menio

August 1st, 2006 by currentissue

Joe and Sky nearly killed each other one day while having the simplest of discussions: Domestic or Import? Joe is Mr. Domestic and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Sky loves imports. So to settle it as peacefully as possible using only words and pictures, all budgets have been thrown out the window. Sky chose his top 5 imports of all time. Joe did the same, but with domestics and it didn’t end there. He had to get technical and make two lists of domestics, $45k to $100k and below $45k.

Sky’s Top 5 Dream Whips


1. Ferrari F430
People are paying $60,000 over sticker for this, the most thrilling car on the road.


2. Jaguar XJ 220
Once the fastest car in the world, and it’s still the prettiest.


3. Saleen S7
The most stylistically progressive American supercar in years.


4. Rolls Royce Phantom
A yacht on four wheels.


5. Ferrari Super America
I’d buy it just to watch the carbon fiber-framed, electro-chromatic glass top flip up and down all day.

Joe’s Top 5 Domestic Dream Whips 45k to 100k


1. Cadillac XLR-V $77,000.00
As fast as a z06 yet a Caddy…bling bling bitches!


2. Chevy Corvette z06 $65,000.00
It’s a ‘Vette need I say more?


3. Cadillac CTS-V $50,000.00
Classy with 400+hp and it’s American :)


4. Dodge Viper SRT $75,000.00
Mopar at its best.


5. Toyota Supra $45,000.00
Ricer heaven. Shit, even I can’t hate.

Joe’s Top 5 Dream Whips below 45k


1. Chevy Camaro z28/ Pontiac Trans Am $26,000.00
Great bang for your buck.


2. Ford Lighting f150 svt $35,000.00
Wow. 300+hp = Redneck Heaven.


3. Dodge Charger SRT8 $35,000.00
Finally a retro car that’s hot.


4. Dodge neon srt4 $22,000.00
Turbo-charged Pepsi can of death. Me-likey.


5. Chevy Cobalt SS $22,000.00
Chevy’s supercharged Pepsi can of death. Me-likey more :)

Stay Tuned